


Wild man

by youcouldstillbe



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, Crack and Angst, Forests, Light Angst, One Shot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:54:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23601142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youcouldstillbe/pseuds/youcouldstillbe
Summary: Clint has a breakdown and seeks for comfort in the mountains...(I have no clue what’s going on here).
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	Wild man

**Author's Note:**

> For my pine cone friend, and anyone else who actually reads this <3 I’m so sorry (not really, just a little)

Another day went by as usual for the miserable blacksmith. He toasted his sloppy breakfast sandwich on the melter thingy, getting metal pieces stuck to it in the process. Harvey, the town doctor, had warned him about this kind of thing on his last visit. ”The iron levels in your blood are rising, your heart might die,Clint?” He had told him. Like his heart was ever healthy to begin with. No, no, it was a rotten little trashbag like the rest of him.

Clint continued this trainwreck of thought as he bit into the meat. Beat the.. ???? What.

No, he never did that anymore because he was all pixelated and weird and messed up since Joja came to town.

The farmer came by moments later. She had 69 geodes with her and Clint cracked them all open for her. A puddle of sweat was born on the dusty floor. She was gone as soon as he finished the last one. The highlight of his day, over just like that. He cried, closed the shop, and went into the back room. 

Clint lay on the floor underneath his bed, hidden. He stared at the bed planks. They had dried Clint-boogers all over them and this collection had taken years to create. 

The pathetic little man had a greasy bag of chips in his arms. The only thing in the world that could stand his company, his cuddles. It even matched his even greasier skin and hair. At least the nipple piercings got a nice shine to them from that, he thought.

The blacksmith couldn’t remember the last time he showered. Probably right before he went to Harvey last year, because he still wanted to impress the nervous doctor and save both of them *some* of the embarrassment. That hadn’t gone well. After protests and whining Clint had finally given in an taken his shirt of for the doctor to listen to his metal heart. (Did he hear Metallica? Perhaps Slipknot? I’m totally a poser)

Harvey had looked so shOoketh when his eyes met two dry, swollen, pierced nipples on Clint’s hairy chest.

After that, whenever the blacksmith went to the saloon, he always avoided eyecontact with the doctor. His dirty secret, in the hands of another man... Sadly, not literally, Clint thought bitterly. With every ounce of effort he rolled outside of his little cave under the bed and sat up. Then he poured the chips crumbs into his mouth, but about two thirds missed and came up his nose or into his eyes. Ha. Ha. Tears again. Pain and suffering is all that really exists.

Clint put on his head phones and played WAKE ME UP INSIDE on his old cd-player, and then he unlocked his closet and took out his secret makeup kit. It had Hallo Kitty stickers all over it. The man did a full face makeover like he had seen in the Youtube tutorials on the library computer. He thought that if someone saw the browser history they would just think it was that sassy little sister of his The One TM blue hair that he put on a pedestal ...

Do you follow? Clint was not sure if he followed. Spoiler alert: He is definitely not.

Then, after another confused crying session that ruined the makeup, he completed the ritual by doing his nails.

He was ready to go face a wilder man.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no shame
> 
> Please take care of yourselves <3


End file.
